Image Credit: StudioCanal
What happens when you throw Liam Neeson, Joe Keery, and Georgina Campbell together with a mutant fungus from outer space? That’s right, you get the horror comedy Cold Storage. But is this comedy funny, or should it be buried as deep as the ruthless mutant fungi?
“Cold Storage”: What the horror comedy is about
Teabag (Joe Keery) works in a remote warehouse and is rather half-hearted about his job. But he and his curious colleague Naomi (Georgina Campbell) hear a mysterious noise. In their search for the source of the noise, they discover a former military facility beneath the warehouse, where a green, slimy fungus is wreaking havoc. When people who don’t belong there start showing up in the warehouse, there is only one person who can save Teabag and Naomi – ex-military man Robert Quinn (Liam Neeson).
If “quite nice” were a movie: “Cold Storage” is like lukewarm water
It’s a rare experience: the good and bad elements of “Cold Storage” are in constant harmony with each other. If there’s a moment you like, you can be sure that the next moment will bring another decision that makes you think, “Why?” But as strange as it may sound, you have to admit that the average existence of “Cold Storage” is also its greatest strength. After all, you know that you’re never in danger of having a really bad time – even if casual moviegoers can react extremely venomously to this film (at least that was the impression at the sneak preview).
It’s raining blood – but none of it is real: “Cold Storage” relies too heavily on computer effects
How do you save yourself the cleanup work on a horror movie? Correct, you let all the effects come from the computer. Let’s say up front that the computer effects in “Cold Storage” never look bad – but they look too ordinary. Deer, cats, rats, mushrooms, and bloated human mutants that shoot poisonous mushroom juice – all these things come from the digital test tube. And as practical as these effects may be for the people behind the camera, they also rob the film of the chance to be what it so desperately wants to be: an 80s horror comedy… at best, in the style of John Carpenter.
But John Carpenter shot everything practically due to the then-substandard digital effects – and it looks timeless. In a few years, people will look back on “Cold Storage” and wonder why this film loves to be bloody but never shows any blood.
Nothing learned from “Barbarian”: Probably the biggest mistake of “Cold Storage”
Probably the biggest problem with “Cold Storage” is the first ten minutes. They are not boring, unfunny, or slow, but they rob the film of its pace.
In 2022, “Barbarian” took a lot of time to build up the atmosphere. Funnily enough, in this film, we also follow Georgina Campbell and Bill Skarsgård for a very long time as they discover that something is wrong with the vacation home they have booked – specifically, the basement seems creepy. But what the film never does is reveal to the audience in advance what the basement is all about. If this approach had also been chosen for Cold Storage, the film would have been at least a little more suspenseful, because, like Campbell and Keery, you would never have known what was lurking beneath them. Instead, the first ten minutes already reveal what to expect down there, which means that you are way ahead of the main characters for a long time – and that should not happen.
Cold Storage: Probably the most harmless film of the year
Apart from the minor criticisms surrounding Cold Storage, it must be said that the film is quite harmless. There is no major controversy surrounding the film, nothing is so badly executed that you really have to wonder who made the creative decisions, and in the worst case, you may not find the film as funny as the rest of the audience. If you feel like going to the cinema to see a horror comedy, you won’t have a bad time with “Cold Storage” – but you won’t have an overly good time either.
About the Author
